I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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