I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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