Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
