i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
