Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
