Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
