I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
