Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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