So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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