I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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