piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
