I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
