Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
nutella sex= disaster
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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