I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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