I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well you can't waste a boner
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
