Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
