Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
