Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
