just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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