make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize