Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what day is it and did you see me today?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You pole danced in your parka.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
