meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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