dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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