I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bring me that man meat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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