We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
