id be glad to
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
