What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize