Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
