Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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