we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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