Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
