Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
