Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
