i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize