You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
