I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
