They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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