So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
