You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
