remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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