so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's shark week go big or go home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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