Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
