Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
