So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize