Welp...herpes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
