I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize