What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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