She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
