so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
