..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
