I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
