I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize