I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
