Nicole vs. Life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Vodka?
Forever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize