Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
