College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
