I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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