I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
