the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
