You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize