If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
