Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
