Just mADE A PArabola og urine
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize